Monday, June 26, 2006

Musings of an unoccupied mind

Gilmore Guy’s girlfriend is wearing a diamond ring and I saw a completed marriage license application sitting on his coffee table. So really I should say fiance. That’s still almost too much for me to take in but it’s definitely a good thing and I’m definitely proud of him. I do want to mention here though that I was the one who pointed the girl out to him when I met her in our dance class last semester (and I was the one who made him take the dance class). So Gilmore Guy owes me something for all of this. I get to go to D.C. in August for the wedding which by itself would be cool but is even cooler cause I have three other good friends out there who I’ll get to see plus I’ll get to see my old house and get out of Utah for a while. My little brother is thinking of going out with me which would be even cooler. He's even cooler cause he climbed Mt. Rainier this weekend and he did it in like 12 hours while most normal adventurous types take three days. And he did it with our cross country running buddy who is Jewish and filthy rich and whose dad used to yell at him in Hebrew during races. That kid is insane.
This episode in Gilmore Guy’s life is a good little taste of reality. Somehow, inexplicably things just happened and now he’s getting married. Sometimes things we fear and worry about so much are not that big of a deal. I’m not saying he hasn’t had to work for this, but I’ve been with him for a lot of the last few years and I’ve seen how he’s just done what he needed to and things have worked out.
In church yesterday we talked a lot about loving ourselves. It comes down to that you have to know that God loves you wholly and completely and fundamentally. He loves you for who you are—his son or daughter. I don’t know cause I’ve never been there, but I’m told that real life parents feel a love for their children that can not be rivaled. The supreme Deity in the universe is literally my father and he literally loves me. Reading our scriptures or praying doesn’t make him love us more, but it does allow us to more fully feel his love and that makes him happy. I believe much unhappiness and self-despising comes from believing that our worth is conditional. She broke up with me, therefore I must be worthless. He didn’t notice me, therefore I must be worthless. I thought I perfected my paper and my professor gave me a B, therefore I must be worthless. I totally procrastinated writing my paper and flunked the class, I’m worthless… The fact is our personal worth is not connected to our success or failures.
God does love us. I watched New York Doll again last night. I love how God gave Arthur Kane exactly what he wanted.
Life in the northern valley is pretty good. I keep busy with FHE, institute, sports night, firesides, and continuous little social events. My ward is not cool at all by MTV coolness standards—just a bunch of goofy looking and impaired people who are old and not married but that’s cool for me cause I fit in and we’re all having a great time and we’ve learned how to laugh at ourselves and just deal. I’m having a little bit of Utah culture shock which for some reason I never had at BYU. I went on a big group date thing on Saturday night. It was just okay but the people I went with can’t stop talking about how cool it was.
Living up this way is cool cause I get to see some of my cousins and grandma and stuff more often. Tomorrow I’m supposed to meet my cousin for lunch and on Saturday we’re going mountain biking. He’s deaf which is just incidental but I think it’s cool and also the fact that he speaks Spanish.
My second family who lived across the road from me all growing up in Seattle just bought a house on the hill here right where I always run. I helped them move in last week and now I have a standing invitation to have Sunday dinner at their house every week. We had taco salad this Sunday. Their son who was one of my best childhood buddies and just got married moved out here to another house in Salt Lake so I get to see him a lot too.
I could write a lot about work but I hear you can lose your job for blogging about the workplace. For a summary of what my job is like, just watch the TV show The Office. It’s a great show, and the story of my life. Actually all my office drama deserves a post so I’ll do that sometime.
I’m becoming a media junkie. I’m kind of on one continual music and movies high right now. I rotate through genres trying to get a new fix. I love songs with cool titles and lyrics that just seem to tell my life story. The amazing thing is that all kinds of trendy teenagers and college kids like the same music I do which means we all think it tells our story and that means we all have kind of similar life stories and yet somehow we still think that nobody understands us and that we’re all so different. But we’re not so different and we all could probably be pretty good friends if we just tried. One of my friends got me hooked on Lost. It’s like crack. It’s pretty cool most of the time but I find myself needing it every night. I usually don’t get around to watching an episode until 11:30ish… That’s no good cause after one episode I get all scared and think The Others are going to come and try to take my baby so I can’t sleep so I just put in another episode hoping everything will get resolved but forgetting that this is a TV series so they have to drag it out and by the time I realize what’s happening, it’s 7:15 a.m. and I’ve almost slept through work. I’ve also got a free one-month trial of Blockbuster online so I’ve got three movies at any time competing for my attention. Writing this all out makes me realize how frivolous this all is. I think I’ll cut back on media in July.
My roommates are cool. I can tell some good stories about them but again I’m afraid they might read this so if you don’t know the stories already just ask me in person.
Not because of my roommates I’m thinking of buying a condo or a house or something. Today after work I went to check out some places I saw online. One was across the train tracks and behind a warehouse in downtown SLC. It was actually at the end of a little alley lined with actual project row houses. I didn’t even drive down the alley cause the dudes chillin over their El Camino were giving me nasty looks. I can’t afford much so I might be looking for awhile.
I’m looking at cars too. I really want a willow green Subaru Outback. Again, it’s a little out of my price range. I did find out they pay me overtime if I work more than eight hours so it makes me feel a little richer and it unfortunately makes me rationalize skipping lunch everyday so I can get the overtime.
I guess I’m just writing this cause I know some people really have no idea what I’m up to without this blog. I’ll try to write more later. Things are good, I’m being good, I still go to Provo all the time. If you’re one of the people I kind of lost contact with when I left P-town know that I’m sorry and I miss you. I really do miss everyone…I even miss the cashiers at Macey’s and the people I walked by on the way to school and Cecil Samuelson.
Finally I just want to say that it is really summer and the sun stays up forever and it’s so hard to have a real job right now but I guess that’s life.